They say, a key to a harmonious relationship with your loved one or your partner is understanding their love language. According to American author Gary Chapman, there are five love languages that humans use to express their love, appreciation, or commitment to another person.
These five languages are:
1). Quality time or spending time with the person, regardless of the duration or frequency. It is that natural inclination to want to be with the other person and spend moments with them in mutually enjoyable activities. If one feels that it is such a drag to take time off a busy calendar week to be with the beloved, then this is not their love language.
2). Physical touch or conveying one’s presence, emotions, and efforts by physical touch and being close, physically to the other person. Hugging, a pat on the back, holding hands, cuddling, and even gestures like stroking the hair are demonstrations of physical touch,
3). Gift giving can be a fulfilling experience for someone who exhibits this as their love language. Not being materialistic but they consider material things as an effective means to express their emotions of gratitude, of joy, of sympathy or empathy, of contrition, etc. Material gifts can also be their way of atoning for their guilt or make up for their shortcomings.
4). Acts of service is wanting to render help or translate their interest, admiration, or regard for the other person by offering to do a chore, for example; or going out of their way to do the other person a favor.
5). Words of affirmation is giving or wanting to receive kind words and words of endearment to or from a loved one. One who has this as their love language are more verbal in their expressions of love.
However, there is one love language that is often demonstrated but has not been recognized: silence.
Silence as a love language is not the absence of words or the lack of communication. Silence is not without action because it is an action in itself. Silence is , at times, devoid of physical exertion. Silence can, however be more profound than the five love languages combined.
It is because silence as a love language can be an expression of unconditional love. While it may create distance, hostility or even isolation but it is at the same time setting that intention to allow the course of events to take its course, or the free will of the other person to prevail; or lessons to be learned; or healing to take place, naturally and unimpeded by human limitations.
Silence can defy time; it negates misrepresentations, while at the same time, creates that room for conciliation and understanding to ripen in season.
Silence as love language is a transfiguration of human love into a soul-level love.
For example, when my mother was still living, my love language with her were physical contact, gift giving and quality time. These love languages (as well as the other two, acts of service and words of affirmation) are only possible means for me because the object of my affection – my mother – was still in the physical state.
Now that she is now in the spirit world, it does not mean I love her less. But I can only love her in silence. I can love her through prayers – the fruits of silence. I can only love her in my thoughts, celebrating my memories I had of her.
Silence as love language between partners
For couples who are separated or in a rough-sailing relationship, all the five love languages may not be exercised. Allowing silence to fill in this emotional separation can precipitate healing. Silence can be a hinge between hostile people where words or physical ministration won’t work to allow the levelheadedness, the rationale, the higher self to take over.
The power of silence cannot be undermined. Silence is a lexicon of raw words, emotions, intents that need to go through a process of filtration to make them clear, precise, realistic and valuable not only to the giver but also to the receiver. It the language of deep love that has no bounds.