A broken home, foundation in ruins
I just finished watching Beautiful Boy, a 2018 film starring Timothée Chalamet. It was a tormenting story—a journey through the darkest night of the soul—and my heart “bled” as the story reached its conclusion. The film left me with a painful realization: for children deeply entrenched in drug addiction, hope often feels out of reach. And for their parents and loved ones, the suffering seems unending.
But my focus isn’t on Nic’s (Chalamet’s character) addiction itself. What struck me more profoundly was his inner prison. He existed in a state of being both present and absent—neither here nor there, somewhere yet nowhere at any given time—caught in the liminal space created by his parents’ divorce. They had moved on, each building new lives with new families, while Nic was left wandering through two separate worlds—something he had been doing since childhood.
It must have been an isolating (and alienating) experience for someone like Nic, oscillating between these two spaces. He stayed close enough to feel connected but never close enough to truly belong. His parents would never reunite, and the new families and lives they had created only deepened the divide.
No amount of kindness could fill the void created by a splintered family—one you are born into, expect to grow old with, and hope to celebrate many reunions and holidays with. I am all too familiar of this feeling – because I was a product of a “broken home” too.
Divorcing families and outgrown expectations
In situations like this, I’ve noticed something poignant: estranged parents often continue to see their children as they once were—frozen in time. They hold on to memories of obedient children who followed house rules to the letter, even though those children have long since grown and changed. But the familiar “house” no longer exists, along with its rules.
For the estranged child, this dynamic creates a painful, confusing paradox. They may find themselves trying to revert to an earlier version of themselves—one their parents recognize—in order to maintain a sense of belonging. It’s an exhausting attempt to remain in their parents’ good graces, even as they’ve outgrown that version of themselves.
How does one belong again after so much change? How do you reconcile the person you’ve become with the version of yourself your parents seem stuck on?
Same cave, different ropes
Many children living with devastated spirits due to family abandonment, poverty, the death of loved ones, bullying, societal pressures, terminal illnesses, and similar hardships, respond differently to isolation. Yet, there is a common feeling of roaming within the four—or sometimes three—corners of these infinite spaces, which can feel claustrophobic at times when isolation takes hold. Often, it feels as though they are moving only vertically or horizontally, constantly colliding with walls.
Solutions may be aplenty, but they often seem inapplicable or incomprehensible. How can a young mind make sense of something so much larger than life itself?
“The Feeling of Alienated and Isolated. It will pass… Right?”
David Sheff (Steve Carell, Beautiful Boy movie, 2018)
Living a “more realistic” existence
Perhaps, for some, joy feels like an ‘unreachable star.’ This may be because joy, happiness, contentment, and similar ideals have been redefined by societies as they evolve—or as we move further away from nature and closer to commercialism.
Perhaps it is easier to shift our focus toward finding peace—a quiet acceptance of simply being. Not everyone seeks grand fulfillment in life; for some, just existing is enough.
As the movie ended, I glanced down at my palms and noticed how the lines seemed deeper than they were five years ago. In that moment, I found myself wishing for a blessing—not for myself, but for others.
Yet…the fact is that I cannot save everyone (But my prayer can).
“Our children live or die with or without us. No matter what we do, no matter how we agonize or obsess, we cannot choose for our children whether they live or die. It is a devastating realization but also liberating. I finally chose life for myself.”
David Sheff (Author), Beautiful Boy: A Father’s Journey Through His Son’s Addiction, 2018, Mariner Books
I pray that these hands may bring peace and calm to those who live in tempest and darkness, especially children who wake each day feeling unseen and unloved. I pray that my arms may offer warmth to those who feel lost and cold, reminding them that their existence matters.
These children—now men and women—don’t need to prove anything or become someone extraordinary. Simply being is enough.
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Miracle Prayer for Transformation
Lord Jesus Christ, Here I am again…asking You to do what only You can do,
in my life and in my current situation.
The Word of God tells me that You are the same yesterday, today, and forever.
Nothing is too small for You, no prayer too big.
You are, after all, the Lord Who performs miracles!
Lord, I humbly come before you to ask that You would do a miracle in me…
(mention your intention here)
I also ask, Lord, that You would heal me through and through–help me in my relationships.
help me with my finances; assist me in my decisions.
Close the wrong doors; and open all the right ones.
Protect me from all evil.
Deliver me, Lord, from my tendency to worry and to be anxious as I wait on You.
Show me today how You will fight for me.
And if it is Your will, Lord, show me
Your miracle-working ways.
I humbly ask also for a vision, Lord. A vision for what a healthy-healed me looks like.
Help me to go after the goal, Your will, With tenacity and purpose.
Take my weakened efforts and multiply them, Jesus.
My soul eagerly waits for You…to do what only You can do.
Not my will, Lord, but Your will be done. In Your Holy and mighty Name, I pray,
Amen.
(Source: Lay Cistercians)
