“So you’re a workaholic!”, a friend I used to see concluded when I told him the things that I was doing to secure my future. I work almost round the clock doing my day job and some side projects afterwards. His statement came off like a thunderbolt of mockery. Like, working at my own pace is to seal my fate into singlehood. It’s as if workaholics do not have a place in the dating sphere.
But maybe he was right. The men I would meet wanted to be catered to, never the other way around. Or at least that is what they were saying. I met only a couple or so who would not mind having a partner having their own lives. I wish their tribe flourish!
But what is being workaholic? It appears that the word is thrown loosely. If one works beyond eight hours or after six, then they are called workaholics. Workers who are merely dutifully performing their jobs beyond their official work hours are lumped along workaholics, they are people ” who work compulsively at the expense of other pursuits”, as defined by Dictionary dot com.
Workaholics are alleged as scourges of marriages or committed relationships. It is an addiction that is made worse as the world plunges deeper in capitalism. People beating time in the rat race. Partners who are workaholics tend to overlook their need for intimacy; or neglect the non-workaholic partner’s needs for intimacy. They are commitment killers as work takes the time otherwise spent for shared activities.
Sometimes, working longer hours or non-stop can distract the mind of a frustrated person; it can also make one feel productive and useful, to some extent. Working long hours can, as in my case, one feel young and physiologically active and mentally alert. In not justifying people who are workaholics but they may have valid reasons for being one.
If relationship is a commitment, it means, two people should be putting in the work towards a satisfying relationship. If one is a workaholic, it may be best to ask (as well as understand, ultimately) the goal or reason behind their working longer hours or having the compulsion to spend time in work rather than in things that could help the relationship grow and firm up.
Meanwhile, nurturing creativity in the relationship could be a better option if cutting down work time is not possible albeit at the moment. Thinking up of ways to increase playfulness, to communicate, and to enjoy common activities is an exciting challenge and can add value to the partnership. What is having extra time together when your activities are mundane and routinely? Boredom is a destroyer of partnership. It is more likely that complacency and unwillingness to constantly bring life into the partnership are what keeps it stale and stagnant; and work can only be a convenient scapegoat for those who resist becoming a workaholic to build a stable relationship.
