It is Sunday today and I am tying up loose ends in my life and for work. In one of my external storage, I discovered this message I wrote for God during one of those turbulent times in my life, a decade ago. While I do not recall what transpired during that time, reading what I wrote has brought me profound joy again. I hope this inspires you too if ever you are feeling alone, and feeling misunderstood. Go to this “friend” who is the most compassionate, the smartest, the most perceptive, the funniest, the most faithful and loyal, and the ablest of them all 🙂
I love You so much…I always think about You and how great Your love is for me. Your love for me even extends to the people I shortchanged of my affection and attention. You always fill in where I lack. I do not miss anything because You make me whole and complete.
I am less afraid now than before because I feel You wherever I am, whenever I need a presence. I understand now that there can never be anyone who can make me feel wanted and perfect as You see me and accept me. There is no need for me to expect from anybody to give me joy, make me smile, warm me, accept me, and give me esteem.
I don’t have to look any further for understanding, compassion, and acceptance because You are here..around me, constantly around me. I don’t have to say a word…though sometimes You still want me to tell You my feelings and thoughts because You like us talking to each other. You are so proud of my wit. You are pleased with how I use the wisdom You gifted me. It makes me more unique.
Who else can stand my mood? Even I don’t or refuse to understand myself, especially when I start hurting people—albeit unintentionally—with my temper. When they fail to understand me and start making me feel miserable for being cranky, Your voice starts tugging at my heart, the gentle breeze of sensibility explains to me the consequences of my actions and why my actions should be reflected on and improved if necessary…no force, no obligation.
Somehow, amid the evilness of pride, You still allow room for my ego, because You understand my individuality and my stubbornness. Many times You remind me that for being a nuthead I can learn lessons the harder way than necessary. But You would say them so calmly and without threats that I start feeling “guilty” for acting like a brat.
You make promises, lots of them. But this is probably the first time I ever experience believing in 1st rate promises..ones that are absolute and will never be broken. You make true Your promise the exact moment You say they will be fulfilled. Nobody could ever have taught me how to trust.
Lately, I do not mind crying. I do not mind if friends or people close to me hurt me or disappoint me because I can always call out for You, talk with You, bury my face in Your two open palms. Somehow I’m beginning to like my tears as they taste of the sweetness of Your mercy.
Being alone is no longer lonely no matter if the person I am beside with does not want to speak to me—to spite me for being myself. Because the silence from their hostility creates a room that resounds Your ever gentle voice.. ever consoling…many times You do not say a word, and I feel it is okay that way because I know You are just beside me, allowing me to be sad for a while and get the hang of it. Then You start speaking..but not in a manner of counseling like many of my friends do.
You like to explain things to me by way of anecdotes or jokes. You have many funny stories to tell me..stories that had happened in my life in the past, which I almost forgot. But You start recounting those stories..sometimes I laugh, sometimes I cry when you tell them. But the final outcome of our talk is realization…and I learn.. and I grow a little wiser than moments ago.