This morning, I remember friends and relatives that had passed from this world, and I realize that there is something in common that they did from within one year to a week before their passing: there would be instances when I would catch them staring at me as if they were thinking to themselves at the same time, communicating non-verbally.
I am certain it is not a mental lapse on their part, being that they had an illness or would become ill at the time. That stare is different from a blank stare of a dying person, in which it would be apparent that they have zoned out to another reality.
The “goodbye” stare
The “goodbye stare” was undeniably a meaningful stare, which seemed to sum up everything the doer wanted to say. The odd thing is that the stare seemed to be directed not to a specific spot of my body but onto my eyes, regardless of whether they’re near or far away from me. But usually, that happened when they were within five or so meters away from me.
I feel that empathetic, hypersensitive, or intuitive individuals would not be able to miss that rather awkward (it is rather awkward to be stared at), yet a silent moment.
Another thing I would notice is that unlike a furtive stare in which the person staring will look away once caught staring. This “goodbye stare” lingers even when the person being stared at stares back. It is like it was their intention all along, to meet your gaze. And during that few moments, there was a flow of non-verbal exchanges. They are not thoughts, mind you, because thoughts are “cerebral” and the tendency for the stare receiver is to ask – verbally – the reason for the stare.
The “goodbye stare” is special and enigmatic. They are the piercing, probing, comforting kind of stare that, as the receiver, it was as if I understood what the doer meant, and yet I did not. There is a very “present” quality in that stare, whereby the doer and the receiver are encapsulated in an invisible bubble of presence and the here and now.
Looking back now, I realize that communication could have been taking place at the consciousness level where there is another language being used and understood. The language that embodies all spirit-positive emotions, detached from earthly time and space.
Finally, I feel that the “goodbye stare” is that one last look of – not an “eternal” goodbye – but the final strain of acknowledgment to the earthly bond that I shared with them.
So what can someone do when they see a loved one staring at them?
Nothing. Not because it is voluntary that you do not do anything but because of the enigmatic nature of the moment, it is your consciousness that will be talking over that your usual physical reflexes are subdued.
The realization that this was actually a “goodbye stare”, for me, had come later when they already passed on. It served as a final memory, like a curtain call that culminates our shared relationship without the complexities of the verbal language.
Prayer to celebrate our departed loved ones
God, Our Blessed Mother, Angels and Saints in Heaven,
You know how I miss my loved ones – the joys. tears, losses, and wins that we shared while they’re here on earth.
All these memories I will keep forever in my heart
until my last dying breath.
While I am still in this world,
let me celebrate my memories with them
in the fondest, most spiriting way.
Even though they had already said goodbye or not say goodbye,
I shall be comforted by your promise
that they are safe and loved and protected
by Your Holy Mercy and Compassion.
Please tell them how much I love them, – how much I treasure their love for me.
I thank them for that “goodbye stare” that I consider a privilege of receiving from them, meaning that I had been an important part of their lives.
At the same time, I thank You for giving me and my loved one that Grace of Moment to share, which were beyond words.
I thank You for allowing us to meet in this world in this lifetime. Amen.